Sweet Dreams

A process that started already before the summer holidays and what we feared would happen in the holidays has finally come to an end this morning. My grandmother died.

She suffered from a rare and uncurable cancer which already indicated that it wouldn't take long before the lights would go out. They tried radiation, but it didn't help and she didn't want it anymore, so the outcome was unevitable. I was there last Friday since a long time and the change was quite a shock for me. Someone who was always so active and bossy was reduced to someone who needed help for everything and with quite a loss of memory. Though it was good that I was there again last week.

Our relation was always good, but I have no clue how to feel now or how to describe how I am feeling. I am not crying, am not happy, can't really explain actually. I have never experienced someone dying who was so close to me, so I am a little confused.

I will go home to my parents this evening and see what will happen next.